June 2022

 Baby is walking! And singing a lot of songs (including Baby Shark). She continues to amaze me. Life is trundling along and I've had a drink while I'll type this so I'm feeling generally good. I've got the next load of coursework to do, I've got a full day off work and free of childcare to do a full speedrun of Final Fantasy IX (11th July). I keep getting very excited and nervous about it.

Otherwise Love Island has started again and my husband has been playing a game and when we've had evenings together we've been trying to watch Stranger Things so the TV has been occupied and I've not had much time left to watch movies. It'll get better once I stop watching trash TV.

June

1/6 Stranger Things (1)
3/6 Sullivan’s Travels (1941)
4/6 Fake History: Ten Great Lies and How They Shaped the World Otto English (2021) 334p
6/6 Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
8/6 Love Island (1) Stranger Things (1)
9/6 Love Island (2) The Boys: Season 3 (1)
10/6 Love Island (1) The Boys (3)
11/6 Love Island (1) To Catch a Thief (1955)
12/6 Top Gun (1986)
13/6 Love Island (1) Barry (1) Jurrassic Park: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
14/6 Love Island (1) It Happened One Night (1934)
15/6 Love Island (1)
16/6 Love Island (2) Strangers Things (1)
17/6 Love Island (1)
18/6 Stranger Things (1)
19/6 Love Island (1)
20/6 Love Island (2) Stranger Things (1)
22/6 Love Island (1)
24/6 Love Island (2)
25/6 The Flight Attendant (1)
27/6 Love Island (1) Strangers Things (1)
29/6 Love Island (2)
30/6 Love Island (1)

May 2022

I want to say that I am feeling better this month, I feel like every time I write this I'm sad. but I want to say that I have good and sad moments. My mood bounces back and forth depending on how much I've slept or eaten. It's fine but I'm a bit worried about baby teething, again, I swear to god, this had better be the last lot of teeth, how many more teeth could she possibly need, I mean really? Also coursework deadline is next week thankfully. That has been hard.

I will say that my foray into Twitch has been, I guess more intense than I anticipated. I have managed, for a really long time, to maintain a somewhat healthy approach to people and relationships in real life. It took me a really long while to feel okay not like a failure when it came to human interactions. Now it feels like I'm re-learning all that again with Twitch. I'm such an insecure person and it takes me a long time to process things, this much I know about myself. So once again I'm vacillating between regretting everything I do and say and also feeling like everything is going so super well until the moment has passed and I'm alone with my thoughts. None of this makes sense... I'm just enjoying it but I'm also constantly terrified I'm doing something wrong. It's a heady mix and I know I'll find a balance. As with everything else, it takes time.

May

1/5 Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
2/5 Barry (1) Teenage (2013)
5/5 Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) Moon Knight (3)
6/5 Death on the Nile (2022)
9/5 Bringing up Baby (1938)
11/5 Barry (1) Savages (2012)
12/5 In the Aisles (2018)
13/5 Saving Face (2004)
15/5 The Worst Person in the World (2021)
19/5 Burn Burn Burn (2015)
19/5 Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
21/5 Zero Fucks Given (2021)
23/5 Ali & Ava (2021)
25/5 Ishtar (1987)
29/5 Stranger Things: Season 4 (1)
30/5 Barry (3) Seth Meyers: Lobby Baby (2019)

April 2022

It's another bank holiday! It mostly just means that I get to spend extra days with baby which is fine but more tiring than anything, she's thinking about walking, mostly crawling, always in constant motion. Lately I've managed to make it to Affiliate on my Twitch channel (over here) which has been a lovely surprise more than anything given I only manage to get a couple of hours in every few nights practising speedrunning my favourite game, Final Fantasy IX. Otherwise I'm doing my coursework for a certificate at work which is more complicated than I expected. So I'm full of busy which is a nice feeling. I just don't get to sit down and watch stuff which was always something I thought I'd never tire of doing.

Things keep changing but I'm learning more about myself as I go. Plus keeping busy means I don't have  enough time to feel sorry for myself or let my doubts cloud my judgement. I just have to keep going and hope for the best. Plus I sit and watch old movies or dumb ones with my partner when we get the chance and it's lovely.

1/4 The Bubble (2022)
3/4 Bridgerton (2)
4/4 Bridgteron (1)
7/4 Bridgerton (1)
9/4 The Philadelphia Story (1940)
11/4 Barry (2)
14/4 Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)
16/4 Moon Knight (1)
18/4 You Don’t Nomi (2019)
21/4 Moon Knight (1)
22/4 Toni Erdmann (2016) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)
23/4 White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch (2022) The Souvenir (2021)
26/4 Barry: Season 3 (1) Moon Knight (1)
29/4 His Girl Friday (1940)

March 2022

 I had such big ideas... I had plans... But I feel like I have no time to do anything lately. I wanted to watch movies, speedrun my favourite game, read books and... I don't know, have adventures of some description. But I feel like I never have enough time. I'm always distracted or tired.

I shouldn't be writing this right now, I'm very tired and anxious about the coming weeks and that's put me in a low mood. It seems like I get pockets of happiness which are brilliant and fleeting and then everything falls back into place. A place of fatigue and uncertainty. I shouldn't worry, things are going well. I just wish I had more time to relax but then I feel guilty if I do ever get time for myself. I suppose that's the curse of being a mother.

March

1/3 Monster Hunter (2020)
2/3 Lamb (2021)
3/3 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
5/3 Double Indemnity (1944)
10/3 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
11/3 The Batman (2022)
12/3 The Weekend Away (2022)
15/3 Turning Red (2022)
17/3 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
19/3 Deep Water (2022)
20/3 Fresh (2022)
21/3 Cheaper by the Dozen (2022)
22/3 Taylor Tomlinson: Look at You (2022)
23/3 Ali Wong: Don Wong (2022)
26/3 Bridgerton: Season 2 (2) Baggage Claim (2013)
28/3 Bridgerton (1)
30/4 Bao (2018)
31/4 Boiling Point (2021)

February 2022

I haven't even kept track of March... This is going bad. I keep getting distracted. I know, that's probably a good thing but it's not because life is so thrilling, I've just kept myself extremely occupied. I'm learning to speedrun my favourite game, Final Fantasy IX and I've immersed myself in learning everything I can. Because it's something I love and it's a new way of looking at it. I've been spending a lot of time on Twitch and making an effort to actually engage with people which is different for me but nice. It feels nice to interact with people talk about my favourite games. 

So yeah, that's where I've been. When I can, I have a glass of wine and watch old black and white movies with my husband and sometimes I watch stuff when I can. But it's not that often. I'm trying though.

February

1/2 My Man Godfrey (1936) It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
3/2 The Tinder Swindler (2022)
6/2 Cool Runnings (1993)
8/2 The Palm Beach Story (1942)
12/2 Ghosbusters: Afterlife (2021) Thick as Thieves (2009)
13/2 I Want You Back (2022) Tall Girl 2 (2022) Inventing Anna (1)
14/2  Inventing Anna (4) Wall.E (2008)
15/2  Inventing Anna (4)
16/2 Galveston (2018)
17/2 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
18/2 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
21/2 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
24/2 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (1)
25/2 KIMI (2021)
26/2 Love Affair (1939)
28/2 Cow (2021) 

January 2022

It's been a long month but we managed. This time last year we had just come home with our new baby. It was a tiring and scary time. I've been reflecting on how much has changed, how much I've changed. We're much calmer nowadays, well baby has a couple teeth cutting through so she's having a rough time but I'm coping better than I expected. As long as I get a good nights sleep. 

We're currently watching old movies as my husband seems curious and I just love to rewatch them. I'm also trying to speedrun Final Fantasy IX, I don't have the time to sit still for over 9 hours so I'm doing it quickly whenever I get a moment to myself. It's a new way of playing, prioritising speed and not grinding levels or peeking in every nook and cranny. It's nice to find a new way of looking at something I really love.

2/1 Amelie (2001)
3/1 His Girl Friday (1940)
5/1 Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
6/1 Mainstream (2020)
7/1 Zola (2020)
8/1 You Again (2010) Another Round (2020)
9/1 Superintelligence (2020)
11/1 Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)
12/1 The Suicide Squad (2021) The Pretty One (2013)
13/1 The Lost Daughter (2021) Brazen (2022)
14/1 The Tender Bar (2021)
17/1 The Power of the Dog (2021)
18/1 The Electrical Life of Louis Wain(2021) Pig (2021)
19/1 I’m Your Man (2021)
20/1 For Ellen (2012) Titane (2021)
21/1 My Son (2021) My Favorite Wife (1940)
22/1 Licorice Pizza (2021) The Awful Truth (1937)
24/1 Greed (2019)
31/1 Microhabitat (2017) The Lady Eve (1941) 

December 2020

 It hasn't been that long since I last wrote here. I want to say I'm less low than I have been but I'm just waiting for that 2022 routine to settle in. Who knows what to expect at this point. Just have to keep my head up and my mind occupied. Lately, and through the end of the last year I've been playing and watching other people play video games. I've not quite figured out how to incorporate this into my lists. I've tried previously but it's hard to quantify. I feel like I should have noted my platinum trophy achievements but I didn't. I wish I had now.

That's all to say, I've not watched as many movies, tv shows, or read as many books as I have done previously. Whether that's a good or a bad thing I don't know. Video games (for me at least) are easy to step away from and do in short bursts. 
The baby is crawling and babbling, we've had variations of mamma and dadda and something which sounds like 'hello' but I can't be sure.

December

6/12 Sleeping With Other People (2015) Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)
8/12 Single All the Way (2021) Succession (1)
9/12 Succession (2)
10/12 Godzilla vs King Kong (2021)
13/12 Succession (1) Silent Night (2021) House of Gucci (2021)
14/12 The Witcher: Season 2 (1)
16/12 Spider-man: No Way Home (2021)
20/12 Jingle All the Way (1996)
21/12 Last Christmas (2019)
23/12 Office Christmas Party (2016)
24/12 Tokyo Godfathers (2003) Emily in Paris: Season 2 (3)
25/12 Don’t Look Up (2021) Elf (2003)
27/12 Emily in Paris (2)
28/12 Emily in Paris (5) Digimon: The Movie (2000)
29/12 The Proposal (2009)
30/12 The Big Short (2015)
31/12 The Matrix Resurrections (2021)