Triple

I decided to react to three different films today, I went and see them and three failed blogs have been written, rewritten and scrapped. Even without any internet to distract I failed miserably at writing anything substantial, so I simply converted a singular entry into a dumping ground for the films I have little to say for in one easy to observe place.

It would seem that in my never-ending quest to find a perfectly crafted film, I have forgotten that films aren't there to be challenging, perfect examples of humanity and entertainment; instead cinema is about simply entertaining and, well, getting people to part with their disposable income and make shitloads of money. So here is a slew of films which are essentially easy-going and... Fun? None of them blew my mind, or made me say 'Wow! That was AWESOME.' But few films succeed in that regard, anyhoo, what are you going to do.

This is the End

James Franco is having a houseparty, everyone is invited, then the world ends, and well, all hell breaks loose. - wait, I think this might have been the tag-line.

The best part of this film is the fact that actors are essentially playing skewed versions of their public selves, just ruder and more obtuse than usual. James Franco could provide laughs a plenty by just essentially being his presumed self. Fine, I have a weird affection for James Franco, it's tempered with an eye-rolling irritation at his talent, but damn is he pretty... Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel are along for the ride having a bro-lover's tiff. There is a tension between the three of them obviously because Seth and James starred in Judd Apatow's beloved Freaks and Geeks together, then Rogen went on to star in Apatow's follow-up Undeclared which also starred Baruchel. Bleh I know these things, and goes a lot towards explaining the kind of bro-love triangle. As I know very little about the intricacies of men and their bro-mances, I just determined all of their bickering and tension was basically because they essentially had a deep sexual longing for one another, because most men hope the same from women whenever they are having their arguments. I don't know what version of sexism I am consigning to with these thoughts. I just wanted James Franco to simply sigh and start kissing someone, anyone would do, in fact him and Danny McBride had some serious chemistry, that would have worked just fine. These are the things that concern me when I'm supposed to not be thinking and simply enjoying mindless action/comedy. Also along for the ride are Jonah Hill (I hate you the most) and Craig Robinson. Basically they all bicker and bounce of each other being generally idiotic, inappropriate and all around useless when it comes to survival.

Oh and mentioning the Freaks and Geeks history, Franco actually has some paintings of the old freaks and the geeks on his walls, they aren't addressed like his other artwork, (giant ceramic penis anyone?) but they are there and it made me feel warm and fuzzy. Another acknowledgement of previous collaborations would be the much needed, home/high-made version of Pineapple Express 2 with Paper Planes playing extremely loudly over famous actors dicking about and acting terribly. By far the funniest sequence in the film. Everyone loves reference humour, it's the new thing clearly, and this film is brimming with them, plus people love those who are happy to poke fun at themselves, I can see why this has been well received.

The film had some laughs, if laughs are wrung from people taking drugs and being extremely rude to one another. This is also with life-threatening circumstances and the bunch of actors reasoning out their purpose for existence is far more important than most others, they bring joy to people! They act like it's hot when it's cold, or cold when it's hot! They have to remember lines! They are the most important people in the world! So we all get some laughs out of their self-awareness, and the ridiculousness of the situation.

Any of the other jokes fall a bit flat in my mind, mainly because dick jokes are not the pinnacle of good humour - as amusing as it is to watch Franco and McBride argue about ejaculation it's not as funny as they think it is, the drug jokes and rape jokes just don't land, along with most of the film... I sniggered but I never actually laughed, apart from the bit with Pineapple Express 2, but that was just fun; the film tries to riff on The Exorcist but it fails miserably, the same joke twice is never a good idea especially when the second time round it's just rubbish. As with any film of this ilk, it goes on about thirty minutes too long for no reason, the material always starts to outstay it's welcome after a while and this is no exception.

The whole bit about it being the Rapture and the Hollywood gang don't get into Heaven because, well they are horrible people, means the end really rings hollow for me personally because, well they don't prove to be very deserving when it comes down to it, it's not particularly earned in my book. Perhaps my bleak outlook has led me to believe that low-beat endings are better, but I hate unearned happy endings, I don't like Forrest Gump either (see: history graduate). Just call me crazy but wouldn't it be funnier for everyone to be doomed to hell forever? HAHAHAHA! No...? Just me.

It had about fifteen minutes of funny material, the premise was a good one in theory, but it was long and stupid, and the testosterone was just suffocating, then again what was I expecting?

Oh! Apparently Backstreet's back, again.

Now You See Me

Someone asked me what this film was about the other day and I just waved my arms at my sides and hissed 'magic'. Surprisingly this was the most dense of my three film party, and it has been the best received out of the three. I say this, it's more public opinion at the cinema, everyone was really surprised by how much they liked it, how well the twist worked (it didn't really...) and it was entertaining, slick and interesting enough to waste an hour or two. So the general feeling is that it was good? My opinion, completely unfazed by this film.

Out of the three films it took itself the most seriously, and it tried so hard to be clever and interesting but it was pretty damn dumb. Also, the whole magician's conceit is a great idea, having magician's robbing banks is a good one, but when the film takes ten minutes to explain how they went about it, well my eyes nearly rolled into the back of my skull. The film goes to great lengths to make it seem like it's all happening in real time, but it's clear to anyone who has ever watched any film in the past twenty years, it's just part of the illusion or has an iota of scepticism in their system... This immediately soured the film for me as I realised the film didn't want to treat me like someone with half a brain, it just wanted to have some loud crazy fun.

Fine, I figured, let's have some pointless fun.

I hate big stage productions, scripted arena madness, crowd pleasing, theatrics, scripts! Blah, piss the crowd off with your incompetence and go home. Play a different song that no one knows and watch the audience shrink as they rush to the bar or queue for the loos. Forget the numbers, fumble the cards, let out a swear word when you stub your toe, get stage fright and look bewildered and in awe in the space of a few seconds then bolt. Fuck it up! Failing that, dress in drag and sing Viva Las Vegas. That's entertainment! Just me?

What was I talking about...?

Oh right, poor Woody Harrelson... They gave him nothing, NOTHING! I have serious deep seated desire for Woody Harrelson and they gave him criminally little to do, in fact every line he said I could add up on my fingers, and most of them were cheap jokes. Then there was Jesse Eisenberg, hello young man, you are still playing the wise-ass, well done, it's working for you, as is that shirt/jumper combo, bravo, Oscar in the bag! Franco's little brother, being little and having a decent action sequence to show off his flexibility, good show! Isla Fisher, you look smoking hot... That's all. Melanie Laurent, french and beguiling. Mark Ruffalo... Oh Mark Ruffalo... Buff as a ... hulk-man thing... We never really spent enough time with any character to mark them as actual people, Laurent is a no nonsense Interpol agent but also has some weird belief that simply believing in some things is just... Fine? Ruffalo has a grumpy FBI agent to play, and does plenty of grumpy desperate FBI things as he becomes more harried and frustrated throughout, then he just suddenly flips a switch and becomes all Zen about all things. The four core magicians are basically sketched individuals but have little depth or time spent with them to make them actually interesting, the time spent with them give us nothing to actually care about. Actually there was nothing to care about, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are there too, neither look like they actually give a shit, which is never more obvious when they are in a scene together, two of the greatest actors alive and not one shit is given, it's amazing! That aside...

It was far too up it's own deceit to care about the audience. It pulled certain threads, left others bewilderingly hanging, it didn't really explain some points, but puts masses of energy into exploring other irritatingly small parts which people could have figured out themselves. The twist at the end was as contrived as anything. As I say, it was trying to be really clever but only for some parts, others it was really dumb, there was no real consistency. It was dumb fun, polished until glossy and forgettable.

Despicable Me 2 

A sequel takes what we love about the first instalment and expands and explores new dynamics in order to add a fresh look at the characters we have come to adore. Or, there's the Hollywood standard, the old adage, if it ain't broke don't fix it, don't change too much, make it bigger more explosive, but retread old tracks so as not to alienate the audience and make as much money as possible. I will grant that Despicable Me 2 does try to add more, do something different without drastically changing the status quo that everyone loved about the original but... Well it was just light on anything else really... It added a new element, it increased the exposure of the best part of the previous film (the minions) and tries to shoe horn some emotional beats in there; for the most part it works, but it's also incredibly formulaic and lacking in the 'freshness' department.

Single man raising three young girls, relatively adequately, alone? Not on your life. Introduce a female to complete the fictional family immediately! Kristen Wiig, well isn't she great, and her character is a lot of fun, she's sweet and funny, she wears a scarf too! Good times!

Obviously it's painfully formulaic, the jokes and story-lines leave threads open for nothing to be surprising. This is even more noticeable when you are at a late night staff showing for cinema staff only, there is free booze, everyone is a bit tipsy and we all have our shoes off and stretched out on the sofas shouting at the screen what is going to happen next. The accuracy was alarming considering how bloody tired we all were and how much beer had been consumed.

Ah, you say, 'It's a kid's film, it's not supposed to be challenging!' But come on! That's bull. Despicable Me was fun because it was unpredictable and fun, the best Pixar films are the ones where you literally couldn't guess what the hell was going to happen next - hence why since Toy Story 3 they have ushered their way quietly out of the Golden Era into a kind of creative slump as their stories become more and more standard...

The best kids films are ones that entertain adults as well as the children, and in this case a bunch of mid-twenties cinema workers, it didn't really make any  when the best joke in the film is a little yellow tic-tac in dungarees sniggering at the name Ramsbottom* well you have a problem!

Sure it's funny, it's accessible, the minions get way more to do, and boy do that lot know how to throw a great party. A good test for a film is to acknowledge where the best material is, and that's either in the first twenty minutes or the trailer, it's a painful but true fact.

It was just ok, it was a good laugh, and I'm sure the kids will enjoy it, or even multiple times a day until the DVD is snapped in half by an irate older family member one afternoon after the fiftieth time in a row of watching it.

So revisiting these films took a lot more effort than I anticipated, I apologise for my lacklustre opinions. I promise to try harder next time.

* I knew a girl with that surname at a previous job, it took lots of self-control not to giggle, the amount of rudey surnames in the world astound even me.