Monday 24 September 2012

Quotes

These are just a selection of quotes I really, really like. I've been told most of them are morose. I don't care, there they are. Oh and because I miss university and the hassle of writing things with extensive footnotes (oh the days of footnotes...) I decided to footnote this entry. The links will show you where the quote is from, the footnote elaborates. 'The rest is silence.'*

'Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again, but I think I shall not listen to reason. I have seen the world inside your head and know that all things are possible.'1

'Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.'2

'We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.'3

'Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again.'4

'I'm going to drag you down with me
I'll take you walking by the sea
And when I find a place to rest
I'll hold your head upon my chest
and I'm, going to drag you down with me.'5

'Spend your pity elsewhere. If you are so set on running hadn't you best be off. Fool of a pirate.' 6

'I prefer being someone else, when I'm myself I always make a mess of things'7

'Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.'8

'If I have pretended until now to know my characters’ minds and innermost thoughts, it is because I am writing in (just as I have assumed some of the vocabulary and ‘voice’ of) a convention universally accepted at the time of my story: that the novelist stands next to God. He may not know it all, yet he tries to pretend that he does.'9

'Whatever doesn't work out always make a good story after.' 10

'You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing.' 11

'I'm done with all this thinking.' 12

(1) - Doctor Who - Girl in the Fireplace, Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, Marquise de Pompadour, favourite episode of the first four season of 'Nu Who'. I'm an Eccleston/Smith lover, Ten-hater. I won't lie, I get a lump in my throat every time I watch this episode.
(2) - Invisible Monsters - Chuck Palahniuk - his best book in my humblest of opinions, probably tied with Diary but that one is largely disregarded. A lot of quotes from IM resonate with me, this one in particular has been a quote oft said when inebriated and among people I'm trying to impress.
(3) - Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk - just one of those Brad Pitt quotes he simply delivered in the movie, amazing, always stuck in my head. That YouTube video makes me ache to watch Fight Club again... and again. Don't argue that there are a zillion better Fight Club quotes, I know, I like this one!
(4) -  The Tempest - Act 2, Scene 3, Caliban. My favourite speech from ye olde Shakespeare, filled me with wonder as a young one, twangling is possibly my favourite word ever. Shame Danny Boyle also liked it too and shoe-horned it into the Olympics Opening Ceremony... Fine Kenneth Brannagh quoting it was... Mind-meltingly good but still, I've been having a personal love affair with this quote for years...
(5) - False Alarm - Cherry Ghost, Cherry Ghost are a largely ignored band, I ignored them too, but this song was one of my most listened to for a while and the only song I kept from their album 'Thirst for Romance.' I wouldn't wish my terrible music taste on anyone though.
(6) -  Cidolfus Demen Bunansa - FFXII, his dying words to his son Balthier, proof that FFXIII was an incredible step down from the majesty of FFXII. No more needs to be said.
(7) - Haha, that's a quote from me! Thought I'd slip it in there. I always fuck things up when I'm myself, friendships, job interviews, university, conversations... As long I am playing a part, AKA that of a happy carefree person I can fool everyone into thinking I'm worth their time. It's when they see the vulnerable paranoid lonely idiot underneath people run and leave me lonelier than ever. I'm better off sitting in coffee shops reading alone and observing people, I learn more that way.
(8) - Mirror - Sylvia Plath - It's just a poem that resonates and yet it hurts, I have a strong belief poetry is best evoking a feeling, this one makes me feel so many, specifically the end, specifically despair.
(9) - The French Lieutenant's Woman (p97) - John Fowles - Not content with creating my favourite literary heroine, Fowles also decided to use this particular novel to meditate on the control of an author over his own particular universe and characters. He goes as far to implant himself in the story as a wizened bearded chap and observes his characters as he decides their fate. It's not the most succinct quote but it's an amazing bit of literature right there.
(10) - Ha gotcha, that's another one of mine. It's something I live by. If things don't work out they'll either worm their way into my memoirs (never to be written) or it'll make a funny story. Like all those times I tripped and fell flat on my face... Or said some awkward and everyone stared... So many good stories..
(11) - Clementine - Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind - Props to Charlie Kaufman for writing my favourite film ever. Screw romance, this is love. I'm always paranoid I let people in too fast, when I care I tell a person everything, intimacy is about sharing things. It's important to feel wanted, vital, needed, it's rare.
(12) - Going Fishing - The Phoenix Foundation - From the Eagle VS Shark OST. I love Taika Waititi! I'll forgive him for directing the US Inbetweeners in exchange for being from New Zealand and directing two brilliant films (Boy and Eagle VS Shark) and helping out with Flight of the Conchords. Ok so the song you ask? It fucking cheers me up, it's sure as hell no comforting sounds but that simple quote becomes my mantra when I'm losing the will to live. It's a cheerful song! It's lovely! What more does one need?

* For the eagle eyed or remotely interested, the little quote at the top is the final words of Hamlet. I just stuck it in there because it felt right, but I would be remiss if I didn't cite it. Love Hamlet.

Friday 21 September 2012

A Novel Idea

Ok, so every year I partake in a minor internet contest known as NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month to the unaware. I tried explaining the concept to my friend at work yesterday and he couldn't grasp why I did it. 'Do you get a prize?' I told him you received a glowing sense of achievement, 'Yeah but what do you get?' Well actually you get a first draft of a... half novel. And the chance to see where the caverns of your mind and your creative instincts can take you.
'And what is it that you do again?'
'You write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, through November.'
'And you get nothing for it?'
...
'Well it's not like I can do Movember!'
Note to self, you're not funny. Plus if I could grow an impressive moustache things would be very different for me, I'm sure.

To be fair over the years I have lost all of my novels that I've written due to my failure to back anything up, and because I hated a good few of them after reading them back. So in essence the idea of NaNoWriMo is to write a novel, writing 1,667 words a day, and produce something, anything, and just to see what you can come up with. There's also the camaraderie, but I rarely convince anyone to do it with me. This year my boyfriend is going to try, he gave it a go the other year and only managed 1,000 words before calling his work a masterpiece and giving up. This time he seems quite up for it, plus having someone to bounce words off might really help, I always get stuck using a thesaurus in the latter days because, my words aren't interesting enough and I keep repeating myself.

It's usually at this point in the years I start consolidating what ideas I have. I don't normally tell people my ideas, I keep them all stored in my head, mainly through the intense fear if I describe them to people or try and put them into words they'll immediately disintegrate, or worse I'll realise, or someone else will blithely point out, that's a stupid idea. All of my novels have been stupid ideas. But now for my own personal discovery, and just to see if I can glean some bits from previous attempts, I'm going to just write down the past 5 novel attempts I have made. Oh ho! This is going to be way more difficult than I anticipated. I rarely go into my novels with particularly well thought out ideas...

Now to trawl the internet and find what remnants I can of my previous attempts and give a run down. I know I posted snippets somewhere just to show off...

NaNoWriMo 2006: FAIL
The Rat's Arse

My first attempt at a novel, I was 16, couldn't have been more chuffed with the title. Actually I'm seriously considering reusing that... Not for this year but in the future, might be my memoir's inevitable title. So the story is a girl, her parents died in a freak accident and she gathered up all the money she had and ran away. She went to the great metropolis, well London, and ended up sleeping rough until she found a pub called The Rat's Arse (big surprise!) A bartender takes pity on her, puts her up and takes care of her. They fall in love, awwww - the end! Quick note, I fail at romance, Unfortunately her shiny new lover has money issues with the local mafia or nefarious nare do well folks of the city and his debts become too much. He kills himself and makes it look like the girl did it in a struggle. I didn't quite get the fine tuned points of that down... Anyway, that mafia think it's her, and they chase her, so off she runs again. I left her running, I didn't finish it due to loss of USB and swift loss of mind after that. Plus I found other things to do, that was the year I started drinking.

NaNoWrimo 2007: WINNER
Untitled.

Kind of like a spiritual extension of my previous tale, there is more running. Well sorta, less running more of that mafia thing. So there was a girl who fell in love, awww, and her boyfriend is killed by the mafia, but then she is recruited because he was a bounty hunter and they force her to take on his mantle until they are satisfied, or I think they tortured her to replace him because they saw something in her... But basically if she doesn't  do as she's told she is tortured. Well I'd been having nightmares around that point about torture. I think I'd watched Saw... But from what I recall I did write a lot of bizarre murder/torture scenes, and there was a guy called Norman in it! I peeked at my online diary during that month, boy things were bizarre back then for me. Parents were all over the place, I was invited to a massive house party but instead took the opportunity to go to see American Gangster, I stayed out all night on the beach because I didn't want to go home and I wore a red wig all weekend and made my friends wear it. Then I went home and wrote a novel about... Well frankly disturbing stuff, so first success! I didn't finish it though, I just stopped writing when I got to 50,000 and never looked at it again.

NaNoWriMo 2008: WINNER
Green Eyes (Working Title)

So I was going through a serious Chuck Palahniuk phase this point, I also figured literature needed more swearing in it, I was 18 and trying to be daring. This was also the first time I'd written about a male protagonist. Unfortunately he has... Issues. He used to get dressed up as a girl by his extremely sexually charged aunt, who he had complicated feelings for. There are a lot of jokes he was overly feminine. I killed off his Dad mercilessly in the first couple thousand words and then proceeded to make his life living hell. He bases a lot of his sexual fantasies around his aunt, she was a fun character, alabaster skin, flame red hair, a wisp of a woman, her clothes weighed her down, and she wore excessive amounts of eyeliner around her green eyes, she used to wear lots of beads and would rattle as she walked in a permanent delirious haze - Florence Welch was somewhat inspiration, before she became very famous. So main guy meets a girl who looks like her and shags her, gets drunk and lost and basically goes on a massive bender and loses his mind, his Dad had just died after all. The girl he meets then breaks into his house a few days later and begins to squat there, she keeps herself entertained by observing his drunken state of distress with humour and sleeps with him whenever he stumbles home drunk from his dad's funeral, his depressing office job (staff members were disappearing inexplicably there) etc. She reappears sporadically through the years never staying for longer than a few days, days he spends these visits boffing her and making awkward comparisons, she remains a beautiful mystery to him and refuses to tell him about herself. He starts to blur some lines of reality and starts to think she's his aunt mainly because she's a beautifully mysterious blank canvas, that his bosses are trying to kill him, that his mother was trying to steal his money, that poor perpetually drunk and confused boy. Oh yeah, it ended badly. And considering it was the second story I wrote I was pleased to finish it definitively, if in a very grim manner.


NaNoWriMo 2009: FAIL
Man in a Field (I'm just calling it that for arguments sake, not actual title.)

Pretty much a non attempt... Wrote about 500 words and couldn't think of anything else. It started in a field, there was a man looking for his car keys. I thought it would be kind of Sherlock/mystery/abstract/poetic. Actually it was shit. Ultimate fail.

NaNoWriMo 2010: NON STARTER
I was beyond depressed and trying to finish my degree/start my dissertation, worst time to do a novel so I didn't even attempt it then. Plus there was a few family problems taking place. Would have been some good inspiration but yeah, last thing on my mind.

NaNoWriMo 2011: WINNER
Glass Eyes

My most recent addition and one of my bigger concepts. Well I say that, it's actually quite a constricting concept, I was working hard to make it more novel like. The idea was that the whole tale took place from the POV of the main character's doll. The main character is of course a girl, with a really ugly doll. More than I care to say of this idea was taken from real life. In fact a lot of the core idea was directly lifted from personal experience. Specifically the part where as the girl grew up, her mother became more attached to the doll and would sit with it and mourn her daughter growing up. Unfortunately I wasn't very sure how to work with the voice of the doll. My first non-human point of view was very confusing. I wanted the doll to have an alien quality to it, I wanted it to be an amusing if cynical view, it started like that then it just got out and out pessimistic. By the last stretch I was bored by the idea, I killed off the brother, the parents argued and threatened to divorce time and time again, I had the girl lose her virginity to some arsehole. The scene was a funny one; the girl pushes the doll surreptitiously off the bed as the boy lays her down and it then spends the event with it's face on the floor under the bed. I had the neighbours dog steal the doll and bury it in the garden, then the mum put it in the washing machine. All much fun to write but I felt uncertain how to finish it, it was just watching the family grow up and I found myself uncertain what I was trying to convey apart from the banalities of life from an odd perspective. Let's just say my creative juices ran dry. I ended the tale on a low note, the doll just wanted to put in a box and allowed to be left in peace, but in the end the mother kept it at her side as her husband walked out on her, she buried her son and her daughter left for university. So no one was happy; apart from the daughter. I gave it a proper end though so I was pleased about that. I was also pleased when it was over.


So as well as listing my previous attempts I might as well make a list of books I was intending to read before setting off on my own personal novel attempt. My first port of call was Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk, it being one of my favourite books, I'll probably follow that up with Diary as they are joint the best things I believe he has written. Plus I have a vague idea about what I intend to write about and Diary will be a good place to start with that. Then I was thinking of reading The Shining and Anna Karenina. A good friend is also greatly in love The Great Gatsby, as it is a well known excellent book I hope to read that. I've also been recommended To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. Another one I was hoping to read was Storm of Swords, by far the best book in Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series. Any excuse to read that again... Plus they are filming series 3. Well... I don't think I have enough hours in the day to read all of them before November. Plus before I should stop before I bore anyone who stumbles across this blog to tears with more of my rambling.

Tuesday 18 September 2012

Do you see what I see?

Because I can't be fucked with facebook. And I used to post blogs like this all the time on my... Other blog... Man, online diaries were so lame weren't they!? It's strangely satisfying. Plus I have a back log of pictures on my phone which I spend most of my time ignoring.
So yeah, these are just a selection of photos which sum up the past couple of months; and that's how I'll remember them when looking back in many moons to come.Warning, I have never, nor will I ever, photograph well; my cross to bear.

 
 That's just me packing my old apartment up, took me all day whilst boyfriend was at work. Took the chance to justify keeping all my hats by wearing them.

New apartment, it's much tidier now. Honest.

Job at Cosmopolitan hotel, turned up hungover at 7am and then got to watch a bunch of lunatics do a fun run past the windows. Nothing about it looked fun but then again I was pretty nauseous.

 God remember that day I saw the Queen? Well I do, was pretty significant, something to tell... people. If they ask. Got talking to a particularly tall person in order to convince him to shift aside so I could get this photo. He was nice, he just didn't understand my obsession with tall jokes.
 The best photo I have my parents together, actually probably the only one I can keep, the other one Dad stuck his tongue out. Apparently I look nothing like them according to my friends, probably a good thing, no?
 Well this is the only clear picture I have of me and my sister together and she looks like she's had botox. She'll hate me for this. To be fair it's not a great photo at all, I'm on the left, then on the right is my cousin, she's 14 and she drinks more than me, no lies.
 The birthday cake that my sister picked out and my mum complained about, relentlessly.
 Don't ever tell me I'm bad at golf when I have posture like that! It was my parents idea for my birthday, I hate golf, everyone else in my family kind of loves it... This was not golf, it was pitch and putt, and I still couldn't for the life of me hit that damn ball.
 And when you get bored you watch your boyfriend and cousin whack holes in sand pits. They also wrote Nicola is Gay in the sand.
I'm not going to lie, I was off my face drunk and went for a paddle in the sea only to discover when it goes up to your knees and you can't feel your toes, it's time to get out. Also when other drunk people are peeing into the sea... Well. Not my best idea.
That's my boss stretched across the piano, and my friend from work, yeah that's his head, it's in an odd position but that's the power of posing on a piano at 2 in the morning. I wish I could remember more of that night....

 Ah yes that ill advised trip to Liverpool, my shocking camera work, boyfriend pointing at a boat I had fallen inexplicably in love with. I also fell in love with a pub called the Pump House but the photo with him standing outside it, well I think it gives the wrong impression.
By far my favourite name for a restaurant. But we'd already eaten at the Pump House... Gutted.
 I fell to the floor in awe at my very own TARDIS popcorn holder.
Went to work and left boyfriend to watch Pan's Labyrinth, told him was quite light hearted, like the David Bowie one. He was a bit scarred by the Pale Man and tried to scare me with him impression of him.
Sometimes I sit with a bowl on my head when all my hats are in the wash. Go figure.

Yeah see, this is why I don't post on facebook.

Thursday 6 September 2012

That's Entertainment

Wind sweeping hair strands,
Waves rolling, endless nothing,
Girl in city weeps.

Twilight brings delights,
Sounds of drunk celebration,
Owl observes shrewdly.

Lone drop of water
Sun bears down on hot pavement
Passers by pour sweat

Lamppost sways in wind,
Trees bend to will of nature,
Snail sits on a leaf.

Bat glides through forest,
Moon glows through the dying trees,
Werewolf eats children.

Flash of light rips sky,
Destruction left in its wake,
Woman bends to gods.

Sun streams through curtains,
Dust dances through beams of light,
Lovers warm embrace.

Face rests in grass blades,
Body sprawled across green field,
Sun observes perplexed.

Peaceful sleeping cat,
Doleful inquisitive dog,
Meteor hits earth.

Watch time flow along,
Rivers trickle past swiftly,
Old man eats alone.

Pale fingers scrape mud,
Endless darkness, no way out,
Mole has lost his way.

Wind beating against window,
Amber glow pierces dark streets,
Winter is coming.

Time off work, friend cancelled meeting up. So here I sit and try to write haikus. Excellent way to spend my time... Odd that I can't concentrate on anything else. Thought about starting my screenplay, or writing a longer poem, decided against it. Haikus are about all I can muster right now. Read a load online, felt inspired by their weirdness. More to come, undoubtedly. The point of haikus is not to make sense... Right?