Now there is one reason I went to see this film, and I should probably be ashamed to say this; I have a ridiculously inappropriate girl-crush on Lily Collins. She is literally the most beautiful thing in this world at the minute, Lord knows how Phil Collins of all people managed to spawn such a delightfully gorgeous little nymph.
If there was anything worth saying about this film, well I would have said it by now, and I've been sitting on this blog all week waiting to figure out what exactly I want to say. Obviously Miss Collins would not even be acknowledged weren't it for her prestigious parentage, but hey, the whole eyebrow sensation and the impeccable fashion sense are doing her favours. I can't say she's a dreadful actress, in fact she's good at beguiling looks and pained expressions, there is a distinct lack of charisma, but when she looks so damn good, well it doesn't really matter does it. Considering a good chunk of the film is spent basically just looking at her, and getting her to dress up in various outfits and looking damn good regardless of how gothic things get I think she does quite well. She even acknowledges how ridiculous the outfit they put her in as she yanks off those crazy thigh high boots at one point, but then she has to put them back on again, for safety's sake, in case she steps on something sharp, like a stiletto heel... Apart from that she is just pretty... And that's all films are about lately, casting extremely pretty people in pointless roles.
What was I even talking about? Oh right! The film! This film is so boring... I forgot sleeping was an option after paying for the ticket. There are certain segments where I was so bored with what was going on I was just looking at film errors, like the blatant green screen seam, or the fact that Lily Collins has red hair dye staining her forehead from recent touch ups to keep that unnatural shade vibrant. Is gothic culture that intriguing? Do we all need to be clad in leather with garish tattoos to hunt demons? Is that necessary? Why don't people just dress normally?
The only normal thing about the film was Robert Sheehan, and he was given, unrequited best bud role which just made him look emasculated and lame. Plus he clearly has a vampire bite and doesn't need his glasses later on in this film, do we get any resolution on that? Also speaking of problems with the plot. Incest? Really? Lane Pryce made a point of telling gothic, never convincing, Henry VIII to just flat out lie to the kids about their parentage, but that whole turning the ring around so the W was an M or whatever, well that was just damn convincing. Obviously it's a thread that is completely ignored at the end, they'll have their forbidden love regardless. It just made me feel uncomfortable for the rest of the film because it's just thrown in there as a complication for them to overcome, but it's just... Well, it just didn't work on any level. I'm not that squeamish when it comes to these things, I fricking love The Borgias, but this just failed on so many levels.
I really have little else to say about this film except it's been done. Love Triangle, check, teenage girl discovering supernatural powers, check, girl discovering her natural abilities far surpass that of anyone who has trained their whole lives just to piss off everyone, check, gay for flavour, check, gothic everything, check, Aidan Turner as a werewolf, check (damn hot one at that...)
Bored. I'll be off...
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