Flailing

I keep meaning to write but words fail me.

I read somewhere that constantly worrying about why you are the way you are is a sign of anxiety. So I've tried my best to stop worrying. Instead waves of emotion crash over me in unexpected ways and I simply try to brush them off. I do my best not to cry (although this is not always successful) and I try not to express things in words.

I don't know what's best any more. Everything seems to be moving along just fine and when I'm distracted there is nothing to worry about. In my lonely moments and in my dreams I'm distressed and drowning but words and expression don't fix anything. I'm flailing but there's no point in getting upset about it. If I end up getting washed away inevitably I'll be dragged back to shore by my continued existence, just trudging along, worse for wear but still moving, slowly.