The Oscars

I have a dreadful amount of films to catch up on. Now I'm at the point where my memories of them are merely imprints of emotions I feel when I hear their titles. That would be 'The Descendants' which brings a feeling of anger and frustration, I suppose because I felt the depressing core of the film was contrived the plotting was incredibly slow and dreary. Then there would be 'The Muppets', I felt uplifted, but as with anything it didn't stick with me and was immediately disregarded by mind's eye and I slept a dreamless sleep the preceding night. 'Haywire' was an arduous task with brief spells of spellbinding martial arts and the entrancing Michael Fassbender, but it was a bore to be honest. So for now it's time to acknowledge that juggernaut of spectacular, The Oscars.

As with any award ceremony it's all about conjecture. I doubt the Academy has seen every film that has been produced in 2011, let alone that they have even any idea of what could be remotely good. This can be evidenced from the ignorance of such cinematic thrills such as 'Drive', or unflinching portrayals of life, 'Shame', or a plain snub of something which is essentially a modern classic, from 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy'. Also the ignorance of frankly intriguing and fearless films such as 'Young Adult' and 'Martha Marcy May Marlene' seems to be completely inexplicable.

So the Oscars have missed what I deem to consist of a good film, that doesn't mean they have ignored what makes a good film, surely? Well, to be fair as far as everyone and their dog is concerned, 'The Artist' is a shoe in to sweep. If the Oscars is well known for anything, it's for a good traditional entertaining cinema, nothing groundbreaking of course, they always pick something that my Dad would probably enjoy, begrudgingly. Everyone refers to the 'King's Speech' beating 'Social Network', the whole 'Crash' versus 'Brokeback Cowboys', 'Shakespeare in Love' the travesty of 'American Beauty' winning anything, and well... 'The Hurt Locker'. In fairness, I personally loved 'The King's Speech', and if the 'The Artist' does win that'll be two years I enjoyed the Best Film Oscar Winners, surprising to say the least.

That aside having a brief glance at the nominations, it's clear that nearly all of the films on the Best Film list are essentially mostly 'Oscar Bait' movies. Martin Scorsese is having a bit of a pat on the back lately so his recent addition to the cinematic macrocosm, has earned him a nom for his children's film 'Hugo'. Not a chance in hell of winning but a worthy note of recognition. Then there is the likes of 'Moneyball', a film about the number crunching behind baseball, excuse me while I take a moment to fall off my chair and snooze on the floor, not even Brad Pitt could save that premise for a film from being incredibly dull. The fact that the great halls of BAFTA nominated such a foreign film is beyond me, it's just not something that remotely interests me, plus Jonah Hill playing a straight role seems absolutely bizarre.

The less I can say about 'Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud' the better, the name itself takes up far too much of my own energy. Anything that combines the acting talents of Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks is clearly a force of pure evil. Or perhaps my deep distaste for the pair of them mars my interest in this film. Oh wait, it's about a child who's father dies in 9/11 and he goes on a journey learning about the human spirit looking for a key. Well, I'm out. Schmaltzy nonsense.

'The Help', 'War Horse' and 'The Tree of Life' I can throw into a simple category, expressions of human strength and belief. I am merely not interested in any of them. I know what they are all about, it's clear why they have been nominated. In particular anything that associates itself with Sean Penn, that Oscar magnate, is something I can't be having (that would be Tree of Life). Wow, I seem to really dislike the Oscars it would seem.

'Midnight in Paris' is a film I would have loved to have seen, Woody Allen films are ones I always go out of my way to see, plus he's been having a bit of a rebirth lately. Good fims dotted around the globe, in particular Europe, he has earned my respect somewhat. Although Owen Wilson's crooked smile and nose, the golden curls and easy going 'forget about' attitude, would usually be a massive turn off, well I'll let him off for now.

If I haven't mentioned it before, I'll say it now. 'The Descendants', unfortunately much like George Clooney's previous Oscar effort which failed to float 'Ides of March', was far more stupid than it seemed to let on. It was a plain manipulation of the emotions and, yup, I've already said this, the plotting is dreadful. Now that I've realised I am going around in circles I will end this post on a positive note.

The Oscars are, although an aged and predicatable institution are also the more important in the fim world. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in them, anyone who wins one knows they have made it. It promotes good cinema, for the most part, and acknowledges some excellent performances, sometimes. Perhaps it's the four ciders, but I may bet on the Oscars again tonight... Perhaps I might bet on a film again like I did that fateful year of 2009 when I placed a £20 bet on 'Inglorious Basterds', I spent all night deliriously thinking I was in with a chance of getting an enormous payout in return. Damn you 'Hurt Locker'! Unfortunately my favourite film on the list is 'The Artist' and as all bets are essentially off that's already won, then, well it's not worth the money... But the strange sense of pleasure I gain from knowing that a film I truly loved is recognised by some fusty old bunch of men is a nice feeling. And that is possibly what awards ceremonies mean to most common schelbs such as myself. Good times.

And the Winners are...

Well, playing the most hated woman in Britain does wonders for one's career. Meryl Streep picked up the gong for playing ole Maggie Thatcher. It beggared belief that she won the BAFTA but then again it makes a slight bit of sense as the British Academy is full of fusty old Tories, but at least they acknowledged Drive and Shame as excellent examples of cinema. I just hate Meryl Streep. I think it was from watching Mamma Mia sixty times over the summer with my Mum and another fifty over Christmas. It's possibly the only DVD she's ever watched. And God, I just can't stand the sight of the woman.

Now for the good stuff.

Hooray for Bret McKenzie winning best Original Song, Man or a Muppet from The Muppets movie. I'm so proud of him since seeing the whole internet explode about the Figwit thing from LOTR to laughing raucously at Flight of the Conchords and singing along. Ah, Bret, it's like you're just one of my friends, and I'm so glad a good chum of mine has won an Oscar, really.

Another special sbhout out goes to Jim Rash winning a joint award for Best Adapted Screenplay for 'The Descendants'. Dean Pelton from Community, is also an Oscar winner, the guy who the cast from How I Met Your Mother thought was Moby in the New Years Eve episode from season 1. Also, his bald head and overly effeminate outfits on the tele, and now he's also an Oscar winning. Brilliant day for me.

Aside from that 'The Artist' achieved all the best awards and 'Hugo' snatched all the technical stuff. The fact that Harry Potter didn't even get a snifter still frustrates me but hey, it's over now. And I'm done.