Lincoln

Insert coherent thought here.

So in my endless endeavour to attempt to see the list of Best Film nominations for the Academy Awards 2013, I felt it would be appropriate to see the film that had garnered the most overall nominations, in what would seem every award ceremony. To be honest I'm not sure it's quite going to live up to the hype just yet, most of the awards it has scooped so far are based around the players within the film, and Spielberg has received some pats on the back, but otherwise, the hype seems highly unjustified. Why? Because this is a film consciously aware of it's purpose, that purpose being to attract critical acclaim. It's not doing anything daring, new, or remotely unique, in fact it is criminally dull, it seems to be specifically designed to be critically admired, it's not a film that inspires love, affection or joy. The joke is, we're all supposed to be thrilled that the 13th amendment is passed, and the war is finished, let's all have a party! But wait! We knew that's what happened, it's history! And we all know Lincoln would later get shot at a trip to the theatre!

What was fun about this film aside from James Spader? Gawd did that guy gain weight or what? Please someone tell me it's fat suit... Apart from the slight comic relief characters trying to bribe and force the weak links of the Democrat party (the opposing party) to vote for the amendment, spotting male actors from all over the shop. The rest of this review might revolve around my listing and pointing out all the guys I recognised!

Daniel Day Lewis - Lincoln!!! He deserves everytthing he gets, he was spectacular, from his posture, to his voice, to his all around demeanour, to his strength and charisma and his vulnerability... He was bloody marvellous. If he walks away with the Oscar I'll be happy, although deep down I would prefer Hugh Jackman took it...

David Strathairn - He's the secretary of state here, instantly recognisable for me and perfect foil for Lincoln to bounce ideas off and do his bidding. He was ineffable in Goodnight and Good Luck playing Edward R Murrow, everything he turns his hand to he throws extra sheen on. He's just great, and I perked up every time I saw him.

Tommy Lee Jones - Nominated for accolades for being an all around curmudgeonly bad ass in this film. Taking himself far too seriously, being an all around conflicted character, yet a force for good! Not much to say other than I would rate other performances in his category as better, that is all. He does get a nice tender moment at the end with his wife and everyone in the cinema kind of smiled at that, which was nice. Otherwise, I would shrug my shoulders at him.

Sally Field - Right here's the honest to god thing. I hate Sally Field, she played Nurse Abby's mum in ER and she was just a MASSIVE pain in the bum. Perhaps it was because I was merely a preteen when obsessively watching that show... Perhaps it was just my Mum complaining every time she was on screen... She irritates me. In this film, she plays upon insanity, fragility, she has her spiky thrilling moments too... I just don't like her...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt - They gave him nothing! He's playing Lincoln's eldest son, he wants to enlist, he's determined, he's going to enlist, don't you try and stop me ma, don't you try and stop me pa! I know it was a bit part but it was just so... Deflating. Sally Field gets to throw herself around having a tantrum, JGL almost gets the same treatment just without the chance to do anything more to prove himself! He gets no closure, he joins the army, the war ends! He's just there, he's just set dressing half the time...

Lee Pace - Is it wrong every time he was on screen my heart melted a little. Even with his ridiculous hair, and the blatant fact he opposed to amendment, I still loved him. It was awesome... I was so happy! I fail to see what else there is to say...

The Troublesome Trio - James Spader, Tim Blake Nelson, John Hawkes - Alright so the middle one I had to look up, but I instantly recognised James Spader (who wouldn't?) and John Hawkes (again, who wouldn't? Winter's Bone, Martha Marcy May Marlene) These guys were on a mission to get the opposition to vote for the amendment in order to ascertain the two thirds majority in order for it get passed through the House of Representatives. Simples? No? No. Well out of them all James Spader gets to have the most fun, the other two are merely just reigning him in or making lists or getting drunk. Definitely the most fun to be had in the film, plus I really, sincerely hope, James Spader hadn't put on that weight for real, it was depressing to observe...

David Costabile - Mel's Husband in the Flight of the Conchords - I totally recognised him straight away! He wrote the amendment I think? I dunno... He was there! He was good!

Adam Driver - Adam from Girls, totes keeping up the HBO theme here. He has a tiny bit scene where he has to send a message for the president and Lincoln describes his only knowledge of Euclid's mathematics to him and some other young dude. My main reaction to the scene was, OMG IT'S ADAM and sat gawp mouthed for a little while. It was fun. He doesn't look right without the facial hair, and in a film where there is a searing abundance of it, I was surprised, but I suppose he was young in his scene.

Right so, that's all I recognised, or all I can remember. I tried desperately to write something of note but this is all I got. This film was boring! It was expensive! Every single scene had the smoke machines working at full blast, outside, inside, everywhere was just smoky! The whole film had a filtered feel to it, the production value was through the roof but I was more concerned that it just seemed the air was thick was smoke. I know all the lamps and candles back then had smoke coming off them, I know outside.... Fog, and smoke from the war, but was it just me that thought everything was really smoky? Just me? Is it apparent I've literally got nothing interesting to say about this film.

I know more about American history than I do British sometimes, I have a great affection for it, I know there is a great pride for great men in history. But this was as close to reading a mind-numblingly dull book about the events as I could think, there were parts that piqued my interest but most of it felt like a tough old slog, and even though there was a somewhat happy ending, it just fell flat. It's hard to be patriotic for a country I am not from, I loved the King's Speech because it was a page out of our history, an example of the stiff British upper lip, powering through with dignity and panache at the most tough of times. If this is an American example of powering through adversity and showing us how it's done in a tough page of history, then I applaud them, but I felt nothing. No pride, no joy, no relief, because I know the struggles of African-Americans continued for far too long after, but I digress.

I suppose it doesn't matter, I've seen it now. It can be ticked off my list. I think if you have any inclination to see this film, allow me to dissuade you, watching the trailers literally gives you everything you need to know without the bum sores and cinematic yawning experiences. It's been ages since I've sat through a film and felt my life trickling away...