Reality

CAB was good today, I was the only Gateway Assessor available so I was given some trainees to sit in with me. They were to observe my technique and how I handled interviews. It was terrifying and exciting but I joked and laughed about it, they thought I was confident. The first girl was 19 in her second year of a history degree - cue embarrassing conversations about my wasted potential. It should take six months for an assessor to get signed off, I'm still waiting, but because I've been there so long they are happy for trainees to watch, so there was that awkward explanation, then there was the part where I inadvertently let slip I was effectively doing nothing with my history degree and was an aimless nothing. She was going into law, full of heady ideals and hopes of getting a career, I was equally optimistic but tripped over myself trying to explain why I hadn't actually done anything with my life... That interview went well. She went off to sit with someone else.

Second trainee was an older lady, it was her first ever observation, I was going to colour her perceptions, it went fine. The second was a woman who wanted help filling in a DLA form, it took longer to get her an appointment and she told me how her appendix had been hurting and the doctors had done nothing and one thing led to another and now her whole stomach has somehow exploded and she has a machine with wires hooked up to her. Trainee looked scared. I was scared. She was happy that we could help her though. Another interview before I left. Horrible. Couldn't help the people, and kept them waiting, woman was getting operation, needed the social services to fit a walk-in shower, they kept putting it off. Basically had to explain to them there wasn't much to be done, tried to offer a later appointment, the client then lambasted me and walked out in a barely contained rage. The only thing that stopped me from crying was the trainee sitting in the corner of the room, she came over and I proceeded to explain to her that sometimes we can't help people and they will understandably be very upset, but that's a lesson she should learn before getting to invested in this. She just listened to me prattle on. I gave her a little speech about how we're not magicians and can't wave a wand and fix people's problems, sometimes it has to get worse before it can better and all that. Went into the worker's room with her after filling out report and the Supervisor gave her a very similar speech when she said it had been awful.

Came home and had a cup of tea and a large chocolate bar. Dealing with things much better these days I think... I don't know. I've realised talking to people largely doesn't help, it makes being alone much easier.

Today at the Bureau

Taken to calling British citizens 'Britizens' in my head, feel incredibly witty.

Constantly singing 'i before e, except after c' when writing up reports. Writing 'received' or 'did not receive' about 100 times in one day.

Find it extremely awkward when I imagine the person on other end of the phone is extremely attractive. Become bashful. People who blatantly use 'phone voices' entertain me, my phone voice is like an air hostess just without the nasally overtones, at least that's what I think I sound like.

When a big brand company goes into administration expect a lot of phone calls from people wanting money back for faulty goods... *ahem* Comet... Shame it's highly unlikely. If a company goes into administration they first have to pay their debts to the banks and then they go about paying the money they owe people, but as these are not priority debts it's unlikely they'll have the money to do so, otherwise they probably wouldn't have been declared bankrupt and be shutting down. Shame too... There are ways to make claims though, depends on a bunch of factors but that's the gist of it.

A client became very angry and started threatening to steal my telephone which was plugged into the wall, gave it a good yank, blamed my laws for ruining his life, really shouting. My response: getting high pitched and weepy, highly professional, went and grabbed supervisor. My people skills are terrible, it's probably better than shouting back I reasoned. Client realises he behaved inappropriately, didn't apologise, just became very quiet when I gave him an appointment and supervisor had reprimanded him for shouting at me. She told me they wouldn't dare yell at someone who was mature and looked stronger, they just shout at me because they know I'm weak. Maybe I need a buzzcut and tattoos? He did quail terror at her, she is quite intimidating... Surprisingly his problem was a company failing to pay him back for a faulty item after going into liquidation - not Comet. He was so angry.

Thought it incredibly sweet when someone told me their name was Potter, like Harry, *wink*. I am far too easy...

A woman wants to annul marriage because she believes her husband only married her to get a visa. Believes she has grounds as it wasn't consummated, repeated this several times. Went through all the avenues gave her a list of solicitors. At the end of the phone-call she told me she might leave it a year and try and divorce him. My instinct was to ask if she was going to try and consummate the marriage... Felt cruel, said nothing.

Vox Celeste

The whole microcastle/weird era cont, combo makes me happy. It's also really good to listen when I've had a peculiar day.

Spent the day at the CAB, the morning was alright, everyone in my face-to-face were just facing debt problems but the afternoon on the phones was heartbreaking. There was a woman who had lost a lot of money due to no fault of her own, dodgy company, and she had to borrow off her grandparents and she felt terrible and cried about it. She was my age and I felt so bad for her. Managed to help her on her way to a small court claim.

Then there was an old woman who's husband had died of a sudden bout of cancer and there were disputes over the will and she was going to lose out on everything because of some greedy so-and-so's, she cried too. It's so hard to maintain any level of composure when people are crying down the phone. I managed to direct her to a solicitor and give her a wealth of information about wills, it didn't seem like enough but I tried with every fibre to give her the most help I could without going against the rules.

I worked at the Samaritans for the briefest of periods but I couldn't handle it, I was 18 and I was hyper-emotional because my sister had... Well there were reasons I ended up breaking down and not being able to continue there. I had mega-flashbacks today. What matters is that I definitely helped both of them and I didn't make things worse.

Then I went for a walk and got lost under a canopy of trees for about an hour, it was relaxing, it helped. There hasn't been a time where I felt so relaxed in a while, just walking, not seeing the cars or the buildings for a little while meant I could have been wherever I wanted, it could have been the park back home. It wasn't but sometimes it's easier to pretend you're anywhere else. Plus there was a load of students playing rugby, thrilling to observe. Good thing was my soundtrack was Deerhunter. Bad thing was I literally got lost and iOS6 maps did not assist me as well as I'd have liked. Luckily with my keen sense of direction and determination I found my way back. Stood at Millenium Square with a big gaping grin of relief and delight, no one walking past knew what was wrong with me. Why am I telling you this? Because I'm still chuffed I found my way back to my apartment without completely losing myself. Plus I didn't cry. Major improvement. Good day.

A Typical Day at the Citizen's Advice Bureau

I have the sniffles, bad cold! Laptop still broken. Head pounding, all morning dealing with people who are making benefits claims, from the depressing to the pervy and so on. Last assessment walks in. Goes as follows:

Client wants to dispute parking ticket. Claims that the warden filled it in wrong. Proceeds to spend about ten minutes acting out his parking skills with chairs and drawing diagrams to prove innocence. I am the complete and utter professional, sit in chair, observe, stoic collected. Collapse laughing, he laughs along, we spend about another ten minutes laughing hysterically at each other. Look up online about his problem. Good news, he can contest the ticket. Feel strangely uplifted, such a nice man. Walls are very thin at CAB, other volunteers will probably think I've gone mad...

NB: the guy was actually in the wrong, his car was way out of the lines, he was just hoping to get a discount on the ticket because the warden filled it in wrong. It had his license number wrong and it claimed he was parked on yellow lines instead in actuality he was just way out of line in a parking space. So yeah, he was a bit of a cheating bugger. Hence the hilarity.