Strictly

Hey, just to throw any authority I have for taste out of the window, I love Strictly Come Dancing. I've watched it with my mum since since series 2, which is getting on quite some bloody time now... Anyways, it is such a good show and I've always preferred it to the other Saturday night juggernaut X-Factor.* Strictly Come Dancing (or Dancing with the Stars) is where a selection of celebrities dance with professional dancing champions from around the world, and basically either make prats of themselves or get better over the weeks and aim to win. There is a judging panel and their aim is to give professional constructive advice (apart from Alesha who just sat and looked pretty, thank god she's gone) and they mark the contestants out of 10 for their performances and then the public vote too and it's all halved and worked out so someone leaves every week, there's a dance off for that. So that's the gist of it, not really rocket science to be honest... But here are my favourite dances. Because instead of writing my novel (I'm about 7,000 behind target and counting, so it's going terribly.) I'm on YouTube reminiscing as I am wont to do when I should be doing something else.

Scott and Natalie - Jive

So Scott is some guy from Eastenders who, on the first ever live episode fluffed his lines in the most cringeworthy way I've ever seen. I only watched it because I was at home and my mother made me, but I literally nearly fell off my sofa feeling incredibly bad for the guy. So here he is doing some dancing. This is one of my favourite dances as it was only mid-way through the series and it just looked so damn good. Plus the song, Hit the Road Jack, a favourite of mine, so perfection. Unfortunately whatever magic dust Scott was sprinkled in on this particular night to produce such perfection swiftly faded and he never quite got it back, he actually got worse as time went on, probably because he peaked and could never quite reach the same calibre again, sad times... Plus I always had a distaste for Natalie Lowe due to her blatant relationship with Ricky Whittle (arsehole) the year before but looking back and in recent times, she is a bloody good teacher, I really do need to give her more credit.

Alesha and Matthew - Cha Cha Cha

Well, this dance essentially sealed Alesha's future in the nation's hearts. By all means it is not a perfect dance, it's supposed to be Cha Cha Cha but the amount of content is negligible but for sheer attitude and energy, Alesha nailed it. As did poor old Matthew who after winning this series was unceremoniously dropped a year later. Of course Alesha would go on to actually judge on the show and with barely any technical knowledge all she could say was, 'I know how you feel my love, you've improved though!' And... Well nothing else apart from agreeing with the other judge's technical advice and pointing on when blatant mistakes were made. The best part of the video? Watching Craig, the judge on the far left, bobbing his head in time to the music, he is the most moody and angry judge and to see him getting so into it was just brilliant.

Chris and Ola - Charleston

Chris Hollins wins the award for the least impressive winner of the series run, the pair's moniker during the series was the 'Dancing Hobbits', because they were short... Right? But when he was pitted against two unbearably smug opponents (was this the Ricky Whittle year?) it was just a case of his brilliant personality and this dance winning it for him. This is one of my favourite dances in the series because it's just a massive smile plastered across your face, it's a barrel of laughs and it's just excellent. How he didn't get four 10s the first time round is a travesty (he would do it again in the final and this would be rectified). Still this dance won the series for him and honestly? You can't deny him that.

Tom and Camilla - Show Dance

Another guy who, so upsettingly, was not actually the best dancer, but all that is completely ignored when he comes out and does this in the final. Let's be honest, he was against two incredibly smug opponents too (a running theme - just learn that to win you have to love dancing, not just get all smug because you're winning and being technically brilliant.) He wasn't the strongest dancer but he kept getting through because of his incredibly happy face and warm personality and because he genuinely loved dancing and was a massive fan of Fred Astaire. It also marks one of the first (and best) times a showdance was mostly ballroom, a lot of the time it's latin because it's free flowing and easy to just writhe about and do a ton of lifts, but this was something else. It was ballroom, it was in hold, he was out of hold, he was doing great lifts but the whole thing was just wonderful! He was doing what he loved, he was emulating the era he so often chimed on about and he did it so great. It's my favourite show dance of the series, I can't even remember the rest they were all so boring compared to this.

Matt and Flavia - Salsa

Nothing will compare to this dance, in fact I would go as far as to say it's my favourite dance of the series, it's not the best marked and it's certainly not the most mindblowing (it shockingly only got four 9s if I remember right) but this just cemented two things for me. Matt Di Angelo is a sex god, the feeling of lust was overwhelming watching this for the first time, and there was no doubt in my mind from that point on that him and his partner were having sex. Turns out I was right, they were at it like rabbits, shame that she was already in a relationship with her actual dancing partner and childhood sweetheart at the time... (They still actually dance together, brilliantly too!) Anyways, cheating dance partners aside this was just hot. It was just bloody brilliant and it I've never been so turned on by something where everyone's clothes are still on, there I said it, I'm driven by lust. He would then go on to cheat on Flavia with some woman elsewhere but... God... I love him, even if he is a naughty boy.

I might add more to this later as I recall them but I have to say one thing. The best thing about all of these dances, and why they are my favourites? Because they bring out the personality of the people doing them, it's the best form of expression and it's just beautiful to see, it's magic.

*To my readers outside of the UK, if you actually read and aren't inadvertently spat out here by an internet trawl, I know that in America Saturday is a dirge for television and your talent shows are mostly placed during the week when people are actually at home to watch them, but here in Britain someone bright spark had the idea to start their talent shows in the Autumn (Fall?) and have them go on til Christmas on the Weekend nights, so people simply didn't have to go out for drinks on the weekend and could instead stay at home and get drunk watching people make idiots on themselves on national television. As the history books will state, it then became a contest as to who could put the most outrageous exciting television on a Saturday night, specifically in the winter months, thus keeping a whole generation of people inside on the cold nights instead of out doing normal things. Strictly come Dancing and X-Factor are on the two biggest terrestrial (can I say that now we've all gone digital?) channels and compete for viewers. X-Factor was smashing the ratings a few years back but then Simon Cowell upped sticks and tried to sell his show to America (you can keep him.) and now it seems Strictly is becoming the tortoise who won the race, for now. It warms my heart at least.