Revenge

Random ponderings of the massively insecure:

Feel inordinately happy. Probably shouldn't be, it's never a good thing. Discovered a person who I used to know now works at Newcastle Central Station's Starbucks Kiosk, she used to work at my favourite bar in Newcastle so I couldn't ever go there again. Now it's different, I want to go to the tiny cold kiosk and stand, I want to stand tall and ask for a cup of hot water with a tea bag and I want to look awesome. It's revenge, not the best revenge but it'll be sweet... I hope. Probably will just be awkward, or worse, she won't be working when I get off the train...

Many things I do in life are driven by the past, mostly to spite people who have wronged me, she wronged me, and now the only thing I can think to do is go and stand and stare at her unblinking. Well I would blink, otherwise that would just be creepy. Sure my life isn't perfect but I don't spend my free time in a tiny cold kiosk serving people I'd happily punch in the face. I spend that time in a restaurant, so there.

How do you like me now? Yeah bitch, how does it feel seeing me have a life after you nearly fucked it up entirely with your meaningless selfish drama? I can cause just enough drama on my own, thanks, now hand me the tea and don't pour it on my face please?

I wouldn't say all that, I wouldn't say anything, just being there would be revenge enough in my head. In the grand scheme of things I've done questionable things but I've never gone out of my way to be intentionally cruel to someone, I've always been first to forgive and forget. If the situation arises where that's impossible then you move on, but I've gone out of my way to prevent cutting people out of my life (unless they decide to do so) and I've avoided being intentionally malicious. At the end of the day all I can do when someone has wronged me is spite them by existing, by continuing to breathe and live and laugh and try, and to be honest that's the only reason I keep going some days, to prove everyone wrong. Let's be fair, these people I'm spiting don't give me a second thought, but it's a constant ongoing propelling force for me. I continue to struggle onwards to prove, to people who genuinely don't care, wrong. I never speak to them again most of the time, or see them, but I know that just continuing to struggle onwards is a slight against them, they just don't know it, or ever will, so... Yeah pointless. Speaking of pathetic, did I tell you about someone I truly loathe now working in a coffee kiosk? Well, I'm going to go stand there, exist in the space in front of her, she won't know it but it'll be the ultimate insult I can hurl at her. I really need to think of more creative ways to get back at people...